Would you send your kids to different schools?

[sfbayfamily]

I really need some support and hope there are parents out there that are going through the same thing. We recently found out that our oldest is highly gifted. Knowing this feels like it comes with great responsibility and has me stressed.

We like Nueva and see how it would be a great fit for him but I really can't imagine sending our kids to different schools (we have 2 younger children). There is always a chance that his siblings could also test into Nueva but I realize their needs may be different. We obviously are in the middle of the process and don't even know where we will be accepted but I can't help my mind wander.

2 questions:
1. Do you send your kids to different schools? How do you logistically handle that? Do your kids "get" that you are just trying to find the right school for each of them?

2. Has anyone removed their child from a private school and transferred them to a G & T program? What was the big difference?



Thanks for your help & support.

[amdawson69]

We do not send our kids to different schools. We're lucky that the school they're at is able to address their respective interests, strengths, weaknesses and even learning styles. That being said, I empathize with your struggle. It would be nice to have them attend the same school considering the logistics and the amount of time/energy you would have to dedicate to a school. What is more important though is that we help each of our kids reach their full potential. If that means sending them to different schools, that's what I'd do. Obviously, this is just my personal opinion so take it with a grain of salt.

[ladivavida]

I'm not sure if this is the right thread to ask my questions but I'm going to anyway since they're somewhat related. Now that we've done our tours, there are certain schools we feel would be amazing for our first but not necessarily for our second. Do we settle for one that is "good" for both or ones that are great for each? What happens if we turn down one school when it comes time to apply for the second? Will the admissions directors look negatively at our application for the second?

[paigeinsf]

Many families choose to send their kids to different schools for various reasons. We (myself included) somehow seem to be predisposed to think that having kids in the same school is a service to them. In reality, all the kids at one school might just be a service to us as parents (fundraising, 1 drop off, knowing the teachers, curriculum, etc.).

Kids can flourish in different ways because they find their own path at a school different from their siblings (even if they are the same gender). Going to different schools does not mean that their sibling relationship suffers. In some cases their relationship can even grow stronger because they are not competing with each other at school & home. Try not to worry about what will happen years from now with other kids. If they wind up at different schools, it is because you took a thoughtful approach to finding the right school for each of them and that is something your children will ultimately cherish.

[boymom]

We have our daughter in a girls school and now have a boy applying this year, so we'll be sending them to different schools. Currently, the boy is in preschool, so we've been dealing with two schools for a few years. Logistically it's fine, as we only have two, which is totally doable. When we applied for our girl, we looked at both co-ed and single sex. She got into both, but we chose single sex just given who she was and we've been thrilled with it. Now, we have to go through the process again, but we're learning so much about who he is and what might work for him, so that's been great. I'm not concerned about dealing with two school communities and am actually looking forward to meeting a whole slew of new parents / kids when my son (hopefully) gets in somewhere new.

[ladivavida]

boymom, you make a great point about having to juggle preschool and grade school anyway so dealing with two grade schools shouldn't be too big a deal. I'm curious though in learning what it was about the girl SS you chose that made it such a great fit for your daughter over the other schools, knowing full well the decision meant you'll have to go through the process again for your soon. Do you think the DOAs at the co-eds you turned down will penalize you for not choosing them the first time around? Or are you targeting just the boys SS for him?

[boymom]

We got sold on SS for our girl in particular due to many factors, including all the traditional reasons borne out by the research, as well as the personality of our daughter. She's outgoing, but played with mostly girls in preschool and although she wasn't intimidated by the boys, they just seemed to distract and annoy her when she was trying to work on a project or play a game, etc. We were concerned she'd get pushed aside in a co-ed school by the boys and her voice squashed. Since we have a son, and other male family friends and relatives her age, I wasn't worried about her not learning how to interact with boys. We just felt that for school, she would do better if boys were not in the picture. We also love the uniforms for girls, and it has really made the mornings much easier. I also loved how the girls schools seemed to embrace girlhood and the girls seemed to remain younger and more innocent longer than if they were in school with boys.

Four years in, she has blossomed. She's still quirky, funny, smart, outgoing and has made all sorts of wonderful friends. One of the best things about a girls school is that there are so many different types of girls to be friends with. There are the quirky ones, shy ones, loud ones, funny ones, etc. The schools are very deliberate about how they deal with girl relationships and so far, mean girls have not seemed to dominate the picture. Of course there are some girls who would be mean in either a co-ed or girls school, but the schools are looking out for any issues and nip them in the bud when they arise.

As for our son, I'm not so sold on the research for boys schools, although we are applying to them to make sure we have enough schools on our list. While I think he'd do fine in a boys school, I think boys do better with girls around to temper them. He plays both with boys and girls in preschool, although he does tend to play more with the boys as the girls tend to play together often. We are concerned that the co-ed schools we turned down will penalize us this time around as well as think that since we chose SS for our girl we believe in SS for our boy. All I can say is that we are going through the process with honesty, explaining what we want for our boy and hoping they believe us. Obviously, we won't know until the letters arrive. I'm sure our boy would be fine in a boy's school, as our daughter would have been fine in a co-ed school, but at this point we do have a preference and are trying to make it known.

[ladivavida]

boymom, it's wonderful to hear how much your daughter is flourishing at the all girls school. Hope we'll be as lucky for our first. Good luck with your second - I really hope the co-eds understand where you're coming from and don't penalize you, especially since so many preach differentiated instruction and meeting the child where he or she is. It will be interesting come March to hear from you what actually happens.

[cookiecakepie]

@ladivavida, I’ve heard that admissions directors do factor in that you didn’t chose the school for an older child when evaluating for a second child. I don't know how much weight it carries. Hopefully you had the opportunity in your interview to explain why it wasn't the best fit for your older but is for your younger child.